Wearable 'Static Torsion Field Generator' STFG
Satire Alert
Blood supply to the brain (youtube.com)
Last night was my 2nd night experimenting with a wearable static torsion field generator (STFG). I attached it to a posture harness (shown below) so as to fix its position at the base of my neck. Without boring you with my unique brain wave activity, suffice it to say that I fall asleep easily but also wake up easily. In short, I am a light sleeper. Last night, and the night, before were very different. The closest experience I had to this level of ‘restfulness’ was years ago when I had an extreme stomach ache that landed me for the first and last time in a hospital emergency room where I was given morphine after all other measures failed. Suddenly, I didn’t have a care in the world, an experience that gave me a newfound empathy for heroin addicts!
Now, I know the FDA, CDC, NIH, NIAID, FBI, IRS, NSA, CCP, KGB, Interpol, STASI (same thing) and Mossad are all spying on me (just because I’m paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not all out to get me). So let me be clear (to quote the greatest spy chief of them all, Obama); this is a personal anecdote and in no way a solicitation for investment, a publicity stunt, a drug claim, medical advice or any other such thing that could possibly be construed as any such thing, even by the Scumbag of all Scumbags, Merrick Garland. This is why I inlisted the help of my old legal eagle friend, ChatGPT for assistance; I hope he doesn’t set me up like Bill Barr did Trump?
Please write me a very wordy and comprehensive legal disclaimer absolving me from any and all possible liability after describing a personal health effect so as not to be thrown into the DC Gulag for practicing medicine without a license, violating interstate commerce, selling unapproved drugs, making false or misleading health claims, etc.
ChatGPT
Certainly! Here's a detailed legal disclaimer for you:
Legal Disclaimer
The information provided herein is intended solely for general informational purposes and should not be construed as medical, health, or professional advice. This communication, including any accompanying materials, reflects the author's personal experiences and observations and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or health condition. The author is not a licensed healthcare provider or medical professional, and the content does not constitute or replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
No claims are made regarding the efficacy, safety, or potential outcomes of any personal health effect described. The author disclaims any responsibility for any actions taken or not taken based on the information provided. Readers are encouraged to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical provider before making any decisions or taking any actions related to their health or well-being.
The author does not endorse, recommend, or provide any products, services, or therapies, nor does the information provided constitute an endorsement of any specific course of treatment or health intervention. Any references to potential health effects are anecdotal and should not be interpreted as endorsements or guarantees of similar outcomes.
In providing this information, the author does not claim to be offering or practicing medicine without a license, violating interstate commerce regulations, or selling unapproved drugs. The author makes no representations or warranties regarding the accuracy, completeness, or reliability of any information contained herein, and any reliance on such information is at the reader’s own risk.
The author will not be held liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, consequential, or punitive damages arising from or related to the use of, or inability to use, the information provided. This includes but is not limited to claims of false or misleading health claims, violations of applicable laws or regulations, or any other legal concerns.
Readers are solely responsible for their own health decisions and should consult with appropriate healthcare professionals for advice and guidance tailored to their individual circumstances. By accessing and using this information, you acknowledge and agree to the terms of this disclaimer.
End of Disclaimer
So if you find my STFG interesting, I’m gratified. If not, STFU.
okay. you got me on the morphine experience, because I had the same thing, in the hospital with unexplained digestive function cessation. If you have actually made something that duplicates the morphine experience I have to know about it. I know you labeled this satire, but I am very literal minded and can't always tell what's real and what's made up.