Animal Research

Now I realize I can’t compete with Fauci in terms of scientific rigor and funding, not to mention sadism, but what I lack in evil intent and deep pockets, I more than make up for in creativity. Here you can see my dog, not being eaten alive by sand flies after having his vocal chords cut but rather wearing a harmless static torsion field generator. Will I observe behavioral and or mood changes? Will he suddenly begin speaking Esperanto? Who knows? All that really counts in that I’m not gratuitously torturing him.